Special High Intensity Training (XXXX)

Imagine you are in Africa. You have been tied hanging on a tree with a rope anchored on the ground, a candle is slowly burning the rope, and the lion is waiting for you to drop and be his lunch.

Your survival hinges on the rope staying intact, there is no one around to help you. What to do now...

Just six days from today, we’ll know for sure exactly which candidate will be suing the other for voter fraud. (Jay Leno)

* * * * *

That’s the big story, that Sarah Palin has stopped taking advice from McCain and is only looking out for herself. But does that surprise anyone here in Los Angeles? That happens all the time out here. An old guy pulls hot chick out of obscurity, buys her a lot of expensive clothes, introduces her to a lot of famous people. She gets bored with him and stabs him in the back. Moves on. Happens all the time. (Jay Leno)

* * * * *

According to expense reports, Sarah Palin charged the state of Alaska over $21,000 for her children to travel with her on official business. In fairness to Governor Palin, when she leaves them home alone, they get pregnant. (Seth Meyers)

A letter from management to employees:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well rained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don’t take S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don’t have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR of INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)

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